I had another post drafted, about why music, and how it felt when the lightbulb finally clicked on and let me know I needed to be doing this.
And then I suffered what feels, right now, like a pretty big disappointment. Something I’d looked forward to immensely while I was involved in it and had… not taken for granted, but felt comfortable enough in that I got blindsided when I lost it. (And, bizarrely, still hesitant enough about that I put myself in a position where it could be lost. That’s on me; I lacked confidence and didn’t give 100%.)
I’m not a stranger to disappointment; I don’t believe it actually gets any easier, though. You just learn how to deal with it more effectively. That initial sting still breaks your heart a little, but maybe only for a day this time instead of a month or a year or ten years. I’m no longer in a place where every disappointment shuts me down for a significant amount of time. I am still in a place where I’ll spend most of the day being an emotional mess, but I bounce back on a good night’s sleep, usually. I’ve learned more or less how to regroup.
Honestly, I’m sure I’ll need to get a lot better and faster at regrouping if I want to make a life of this. No amount of talent and dedication will guarantee a disappointment-free future. That’s what’s getting me through – people whose talent is obvious have suffered similar and larger disappointments. Mine’s pretty small, comparatively, even if it hurts on a fairly personal level. And it reminds me that I can’t take things for granted, not ever. And that I need to step up my game and stop letting fear hold me back.